Make the Most of Midlife

Just because you've reached midlife doesn't mean you'll buy that shiny red sports car or sneak off to have an affair. Not everyone faces a crisis at age 40 or 50. But odds are you'll go through some kind of transition, as life challenges coincide with the realization that you're getting older.

Coined by Canadian psychoanalyst Elliot Jacques in 1965, the term "midlife crisis" refers to personal turmoil in people ages 39 through 50, brought on by fear of aging. "It's the anxiety or panic you feel when you've reached this age in life and realize that maybe you haven't accomplished all that you wanted, and time is running out," says Cornell University sociologist Elaine Wethington, Ph.D.

In 1998, Dr. Wethington conducted the largest study ever done on beliefs about the midlife crisis. She found that a midlife crisis isn't as common as you may think. Only about one-fourth of the adults over age 35 surveyed said they had gone through a true crisis. "The rest described stressful life events, such as divorce, job loss or major illness," she says.

Unique challenges

You can face these events at any adult age, but during midlife they can present unique challenges. If you're newly single, unemployed or seriously ill at middle age, you may believe you have fewer options.

That youthful glow has given way to hot flashes. You may think there's no time to develop a different career, or it's too late to successfully treat the illness you got from years of smoking. Then there are the typical midlife turning points, such as those dreaded wrinkles, children leaving home and the death of parents.

"Midlife can be disappointing or gratifying, depending on how you've lived your life," says Edward Monte, Ph.D., a Philadelphia psychotherapist. "If you've done a lot of personal self-reflection and have pursued and attained what you wanted -- viewing challenges along the way as a chance for constructive change instead of a crisis -- midlife will be easier and more productive for you."

But maybe you've denied your true self and put your dreams on hold while you were busy climbing the corporate ladder or raising your children. Or you blame yourself for your children's failures. Or you feel defeated because life hasn't delivered all you had hoped.

Taking stock

Whatever your experience so far, "midlife is about taking stock of your life and evaluating where you want to be, now and in the future," says Dr. Wethington. You're likely to ask yourself a few questions:

• Have I lived up to my own expectations and accomplished all that I could?

• Am I being true to myself?

• What's really important to me?

• How can I best live the rest of the years I've got?

• How can I learn to accept my own death?

Viewed as a quest of exploration and discovery, "midlife challenges can serve as tools for constructing meaning in your life," Dr. Wethington adds. "Midlife can be a time of personal growth, and one of the most positive and active periods of your life, because you now have the most resources you've ever had." Think about it: You've left behind the insecurities of youth and have yet to reach the boundaries of old age. In between, you have decades of experience -- and room for vast potential.

Even at midlife, you're still growing and evolving. Perhaps you'll quit your job and take the risk of starting your own business, or you'll finally take off for Tahiti. But even if you stay put, you can keep yourself moving forward. As long as you're alive, you can live life to the fullest -- with all its blunders and blessings -- throughout your middle-age years and beyond.